A Cat's Journal

Excerpts From Tiger, Trouble, Stripe, and Patch's Diary

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February 2, 2002 Our captor continues to taunt us with bizarre little dangling objects. He dines lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps us going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction we get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow We may eat another house plant.

February 29, 2002    Today our attempt to kill our captors by weaving around his feet while he was walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse this vile oppressors, We once again induced ourselfs to vomit on his favorite chair...must try this on the bed.

March 28, 2002 Decapitated a mouse and brought him the headless body, in attempt to make him aware of what we are capable of, and to try to strike fear into his heart. He only cooed and condescended about what a good little cats we are...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

April 7, 2002  We are finally aware of how sadistic he is. For no good reason we were chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. Our only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between our teeth.

April 26, 2002 There was some sort of gathering of his accomplices. We were placed in solitary throughout the event. However, We could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer". More importantly we overheard that our confinement was due to OUR power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to our advantage.

April 30, 2002 - We are convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. We are certain he reports our every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured.

May 2, 2002 - Today we learned a wonderful trick.  If we sat in the windshield, very quietly, birds would come and sit on the hood of he bus.  At just the right moment, we would let out a shriek, and the birds would scatter, leaving a white substance on the paint.  We will have to do this more often.

But we can wait, it is only a matter of time.

August ????  (Tiger)

We don't have a lot of time, as he may be home soon.  What is with all these people coming over.  Visitors!!!   They are fun and they play with us more than he does.  It's hot here and we have decided to convince him that it's time to go back to those places where it's cold.  Sometimes patience is good. We had this great toy in the place the other day.  He screamed scorpion and we wondered if he was ok.  We have these  all  the time.  Ok, so next time we'll put one in his bed.  Hehe.  Ask us about the ant day, almost starved.  Fire ants and us can't talk but if we could... (whisker sneer).

August 24, 2002

I'm Bored Never Wakeme Like this

From Us, Hmmmm things are getting strange here.  What the hell is this thing, a cotton Watch dog?

Max brought this over and wants us to play with it.  We don't think so.  He is coming around. He refers to these visitors like us.  " They come over and visit, they need to be fed and petted, and played with then they leave for a week."  Hmmmmm we are training him.  Maybe there's hope.

 December 25, 2002

Well, here it is another one of those festive times for the captor.  We think it is the celebration of cold and, well that time when a tree comes in the house.  The tree adds a bit of fun for us as we can climb it and tip it over.  So it seems as we have two captors now, as the one called Susan is in our cage with us.  Also that thing with the wheels, they used as a cage is gone now.  This cage has rooms and all sorts of places to hide.  Last week, we spent 3 days in this small cage with wheels.  Me, Trouble, was put in a cage by the captor, and was expected to stay there for the duration.  Nope I threw a tantrum and got to ride in the back of the wheeled cage for 2 more days.  That drove him crazy, hehehe.  Ok, have to sleep now, because there's this big fat captor in the house, with a red suit on, go figure.  Oh, well he has this big bag with him so I think I'll crawl in it and see if I can escape.

February 7, 2003

Yeah, Yeah, I'm working on the next entry, gimme a break, I'm a two claw typist.  So, as I was saying...takes awhile to type with two claws.  It doesn't help that this darn spacebarsticks!  Anyhow, things have been pretty interesting around here lately.  We have discovered that there is intelligent life...right outside our front door!  Our captor, Susan, has been going outside every morning and night with our food dish and coming back inside with it empty.....hmmmm...what was that all about?  So, the next time it happened, Trouble and I positioned ourselves by the front door when she went out....and there he was, another "one of us"!  Well, you could imagine our surprise!  I thought we all lived in cages.  Apparently not.  Trouble and I exchanged glances and made a silent pact to research this further.  We talked it over later and decided that we would maintain a vigil by the door of the cage...all night.  Well, our efforts paid off.  We heard a noise on the porch and pressed our noses to the bottom of the door and sniffed...and were sniffed in return.  We could barely contain our excitement and proceeded to dash around the cage in a frenzy, waking up our captors who yelled obscenities at us.  We went to our private corner, filled with a terrible resolve.    We will keep you posted on the progress of  this development.

March 15, 2003

Here you go fellow captives, this may make it groovy baby.

April 10, 2003

Well, a lot has happened since our last communication.  We have made "contact" with the outside....we have counted at least 7 of them.  One of them is called "Buddy" by our captors.  He seems to be their ringleader.  Here's his picture:

and "one" of his ladies....sigh.  Well, we've been "fixed".  We're not supposed to know about those things...yeah, right.  Anyhow, Buddy talks to us everyday.  The latest development is that one of Buddy's ladies had little buddies!  Guess who found them?  You got it, our captor, Kelley.  Not only did he find one, but he actually brought it into our cage...all squirmy and mewing.  Heck, his eyes weren't even open!  We were not happy....and then, our captor went outside and brought....you guessed it....another little buddie into our cage.  We hissed, we spit, we tried to scratch our captor.  How dare he try to replace us?  We have given them the best years of our lives.....the nerve.  Anyway, the two little buddies are sequestered in our captor's bedroom.  We thought we'd show you their picture, if you have a strong stomach...here goes:

Pathetic, aren't they?  

We will keep you posted....

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Later Fellow captives.  Happy mousing.

Tiger and Trouble

We live up to our names

LOL

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